When You Don’t Look Like What You’re Going Through
Posted: April 21, 2019
I clean up pretty well, huh? I am attending the #WINROCKRULE Women’s Empowerment Event hosted by Coach Dr. Dee C. Marshall in Newark, NJ. The event was amazing and I had so many Ah Ha moments! I received so many compliments about the picture above from friends and followers. Later as I reflected on that moment, in looking at myself in that photo, I silently reflected, “Wow, I don’t look like anything that happened in my life right up to that moment.” In other words, I don’t look like what I’m going through and neither do you when you dress up the outside and conceal the inside: the stress, the grief, the hurt, the disappointment, the pain, etc.
That’s what many of us do to cope with our inner distress and our thoughts about how we see ourselves when the likes and handclaps are gone and we don’t want anyone to know what’s really going on in our lives. We dress up the outside, “we wear the mask that conceals the pain,” and we deny, hide, minimize, or dismiss our inner, quiet turmoil. But what happens when the gala is over, the ball gowns, heels, and suits are removed, and the make-up is washed off. We let our hair down (or take it off, no shade ha!) and the crown we wore that night, is now invisible.
What happens? We sit in silence and are “stuck” or regress to old familiar behaviors. So why not work on ways to get “un-stuck” and live the life you dream about in technicolor.
Where does healing begin?
1. Change the narrative. Being strong does not equate with struggle.
2. You cannot wait for others to complete their healing process to begin yours. Holding space for others without working on your needs, is like holding your breath expecting someone else to breathe for you! You will die trying (thanks 50cents!).
3. Shift your mindset. The denial of your needs at the expense of others is exhausting. “I’m fine” is no longer the response to the hidden pain inside.
4. Work towards authenticity and transparency. Learn to embrace all of you. Change what you don’t like but stop complaining about it if you are not willing to put in the work to make it better!
5. Seek help, ask for help. Get help. (Ask-Seek-Knock!)
6. I encourage you to rest today! Give yourself permission to slow things down and BREATHE.
7. Build healthy networks and collaborate. We are not alone.
8. Create more play in your life and end engagement in stressful & toxic relationships.
And remember, even when your crown is invisible to the world, your haters, your cheerleaders and even to yourself, the crown of glory is never invisible . God’s crown is always visible, you just have to see it with your spiritual eyes and embrace it.
In Your Wellness, Dr. Angela